The first time I saw a panic attack, it was my dad.
Normally, a rock solid, strong silent type – he was reduced to dry heaving over the toilet in the middle of the night while my mother screamed he was having a heart attack and was going to die just like his dad. At 14-years-old, I had no concept of anxiety or nervous system blow outs. I took cool cloths to his forehead and whispered soothing words. It all passed one way or another.
The second big exposure was my newly minted husband. He awoke in the middle of the night, unable to breathe and I sped through the darkened streets of Toronto to the emergency room in a panic myself. Turns out it was a panic attack.
What???
Both these incidences seemed very dire.
Since then, in my family and professional work, there have been more panic/anxiety incidences than I care to recall. At the time, the person experiencing the attack is really suffering and in true physical pain. No one can just stand by and not feel for them. But once you receive medical assurance that it’s just “stress,” we might be tempted to declare it’s all in their head and dismiss them.
Anxiety or panic is felt in the entire body, mind and spirit, and the solution and/or coping mechanism involves all levels as well.
Panic attacks are sudden, dramatic and pretty scary. Rarely, they emerge with no warning, but usually, upon reflection, you may see a general building of anxiety prior. Anxiety manifests in tense muscles, sleep irregularities, mental sluggishness, lack of interest in everyday life and chronic pain. Ideally, we would recognize these symptoms and support lifestyle changes so we never get to panic attacks. But life doesn’t always work out logically.
So what if you are witness to an attack? Should you yell at the person to calm down? Should you walk away denying their “attention seeking” behaviour?
No.
This is real. The person requires compassion and support right now.
- Remain calm. Use a slow, measured, lower tone of voice and keep your language positively framed. “You are going to be ok” and “I am here for you” and “although you are scared now, panic attacks are unfortunately common” are good examples. If you don’t feel confident saying anything, just be there, be steady and breathe slowly yourself.
- Encourage the sufferer to stop talking if possible and nostril breathe.
- Ask the person to notice five things that they can see. They don’t have to say out loud what they are observing, but ask them to take their time so they can note colours and other details.
- Ask the person to touch four things, slowly and again observing the small details of texture.
- Ask the person to listen for three things.
- Ask the person to identify two separate smells around them.
- Ask the person to imagine eating and tasting their absolute favourite food.
- Hopefully, the symptoms start to abate. Don’t panic yourself, no matter how messy things look. The panic you are witnessing will trigger “mirror neurons” in your brain and remind you of how scary life seems for you. It will be a real bit of work to stay calm and focused. Occasionally, I have noticed the sufferer getting very agitated and even violent. In this case, you’ll need to protect yourself and get professional emergency help.
If you would like to make a helpful suggestion to the sufferer, after they are feeling better of course, they may benefit from viewing this video. It explains a bit about nervous system function and how theirs is short circuiting due to stress. There are also videos in this series with practical interventions to help find more peace in life.
