We’ve all been there. We truly do love this person but, man, they really don’t get it. We bump around and around in this vicious cycle and each time it takes a little bit out of the joy and connection. How tragic! And life is really too short to waste this energy on these dense, heavy emotions.
Here’s an alternative way to view the relationship.
In yoga philosophy, we see each person as unique and necessary with their own personal mission on this earth. They have been given divine gifts to achieve this mission. Therefore, in the interests of making everything better for everyone, our loved one has an important job to do. It’s not always crystal clear what that might be, but they do have one. You probably at some point recognized the “specialness” of your loved one. After all, you do love them!
Taken with this lens, a fight is not only exhausting and uncomfortable but maybe detrimental to the universal order of things! Your loved one is distracted from fulfilling his/her unique destiny a little longer.
Our soul truly desires peace. We pray for it at church. We talk about “peace on earth.” It starts with your own commitment to peace in your world.
So next time the tempers flare and you’re at that impasse, try this. Here’s the magic words we promised:
- “I’m sorry;
- Please forgive me;
- Thank you for helping me learn;
- I love you.”
"You’re a really lovely and intelligent person. I can tell because you read this column all this time. Dig into that infinite well of compassion and love that you carry deep inside to find these words … even if your side of the fight is right. Watch your loved one melt as they recognize the truth of your love and commitment. As the pain, fear and doubt evaporate, you’ll be much more effective in negotiating this challenge. It can be solved with everyone’s special mission respected.
